So where did we leave off yesterday, anybody remember? The brahmana met Lord Caitanya in the Kesavaji mandira in Mathura and they danced together. Brahmana was exhibiting so many symptoms of prema, and afterwards they fell at each other’s feet, the brahmana first fell at Lord Caitanya’s feet and then Lord Caitanya fell at the brahmana’s feet. And Lord Caitanya said, “I am seeing, I am observing such incredible symptoms of ecstatic love of God in your person that these symptoms indicate that somehow you must have connection with Madhavendra Puri. Because no person in this world can exhibit such divine love and ecstatic behavior unless he has a connection with Madhavendra Puri, because he is bringing this to the world, he is distributing this.”
So then the brahmana says, “Yes You are correct, Madhavendra Puri came to Mathura and he came to my house and he took food from my hand.” Madhavendra Puri was probably thinking from his side that this is a brajavasi brahmana. Brajavasi brahmanas are glorified throughout the, Vrndavana is glorified in the scriptures, what to speak of brahmanas. When you have the highest place, Vrndavana and you have the highest varna, Brahmin.
Vrndavan and the brahmana, the brahmana of Vrndavan, brajavasi brahmana, it is a very exalted combination, place and person. So to take food from the hands of a brajavasi brahmana is very auspicious, even for Madhavendra Puri. So he very happily took food from the hand of this brahmana.
So when the brahmana was inviting Him. This brahmana from Mathura invited Lord Caitanya, “Please come to my house to take food,” he was reluctant, he hesitant, because he was thinking, I am a nrahmana, He is a mendicant, wandering sannyasi with His own personal servant – Balabhadra Bhattacarya. He is a vairagi, so by chance He might not want food from my hand, so then he said, “You please come to my house for lunch and I will arrange all the articles, and Your servant Balabhadra Bhattacarya, who is Your private brahmana, servant, he will cook for You.”
Lord Caitanya said, “No, if Madhavendra Puri has already taken food in your place then what’s the problem? I will take food from your hand” and that’s where we left off.
Then Lord Caitanya is commenting, “Listen Madhavendra Puri has come here, he has taken food from your hand, you are a brajavasi brahmana. This is My instruction, you give Me food from your hand, because your hand is connected to your heart and your heart is connected to the heart of Madhavendra Puri. So the love of Madhavendra Puri’s heart is connected to your heart and with that love you are going to prepare that food, and you are going to serve Me this food with that loving hand. That love is also within Me because Madhavendra Puri is my parama guru, the guru of Iswara Puri. This love is what I am made of, this love is what I am distributing, this love is what I am searching for, mahabhava of Radharani. So you cook. Karo cook!”
And then Lord Caitanya said – O brahmana, haven’t you heard in the Bhagvad-gita?
yad yad acarati sresthas
tat tad evetaro janah
sa yat pramanam kurute
lokas tad anuvartate
He quoted this verse from Bhagvad-gita, 3.21.
Whatever actions a great man performs common man follows, and whatever standards he sets by exemplary acts, all the world pursues. Lord Caitanya is taking an extremely humble position here, He is saying, “Listen, a great person has come here and taken prasadam from your house, so I am a common man, I am a loka of this world” yad yad acarati sresthas, “That great srestha, that great, exalted person Madhavendra Puri is an acarya srestha. This great person has set a wonderful example here. That most exalted person Madhavendra Puri, My esteemed parama guru has visited your house and I am a common man, I am just a mendicant, so I should follow his example, I should also come to your house, I should also accept food from your hand. All the world follows such a standard.”
Now hearing this then the brahmana…there is some discussion here about what’s going on in the brahmana’s mind, so that mind of the brahmana is being revealed by Krsnadasa Kaviraja.
TEXT 179
yadyapi ‘sanodiya’ haya seita brahmana
sanodiya-ghare sannyasi na kare bhojana
SP: The brahmana belonged to the Sanodiya brahmana community, and a
sannyasi does not accept food from such a brahmana.
Ms: Now we find out something more about the identity of the brahmana. The brahmana belonged to the Sanodiya brahmana community. A sannyasi does not accept food from such a brahmana, as we have been speaking in our various classes, how there is so much hierarchy everywhere, so many levels of Brahmins, so many levels of Vaisyas, so many levels of Sudras, so many levels of Vaisnavas, so many levels of holy dhamas, so many forms of the Lord. Hierarchy Hierarchy Hierarchy…
So many stages and levels, it’s not all one…we say, “Oh! He is a pure devotee.”
“What class of pure devotee?”
There are thousand different increments of pure devotees in classes.
So now brahmana, “Oh he is a brahmana.” He is a Radha kunda Brahmana, he is a Sanodiya Brahmana, he is a Varanasi Brahmana, he is a Maharashtrian Brahmana.
So Srila Prabhupada explains, in northwestern India, vaisyas are divided into various subdivisions. Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura points out that they are divided as Agarwala, Kalawara and Sanwada. Out of them, the Agarwalas are said to be first-class vaisyas, obviously because they are in the majority, they have bought out all the shops of all the Kalawaras and Sanwadas, they bought out the what? Everything. (7.10 min) They are experts in mercantile, money making, trading, and business, so they are expert Vaisyas.
And the Kalawaras and Sanwadas are considered lower due to their occupational degradation. The Kalawaras generally take wine and other intoxicants. Although they are vaisyas, they are lower class. The priests who guide the Kalawaras and the Sanwadas are called Sanodiya brahmanas. Well if your clientele is low, then you must be low! If your clientele is high, then you must be high. If the yajamanas of these Brahmins are low then the Brahmins are also low. High class Brahmins high class yajamanas, that’s what the logic Srila Prabhupada is presenting here. Doesn’t always have to be that way, obviously, but in this case, it is.
Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura states that the word sanoyada in Bengal indicates suvarna-vanik. In Bengal there are priests who guide the suvarna-vanik community, which is also considered a low class.
The Sanodiya brahmanas were the guides of the Kalawaras and Sanwadas.
They are therefore considered to be lower-class brahmanas, and a
sannyasi is not allowed to take alms or food from them. However, Sri
Caitanya Mahaprabhu accepted lunch cooked by a Sanodiya brahmana simply because he belonged to Madhavendra Puri’s community. Srila
Madhavendra Puri was the spiritual master of Isvara Puri, who was the spiritual master of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. Thus a spiritual relationship is established on the spiritual platform, without consideration of material inferiority or superiority.
So obviously spirit is above matter. Spirit is what counts, not matter. So materially this was a no no, this was forbidden. Lord Caitanya was first-of-all a high class Brahmin, Bengali Misra Brahmin, a very high class Brahmin from a very illustrious dynasty, Nilambara Cakravarti and Jagannatha Misra and now a sannyasi initiated by Kesava Bharti – also a famous, prestigious sannyasi brahmana – Advaitan Sampradaya.
And now He has come to Mathura and is with this low class brahmana. Similar thing is there in Jagannatha Puri during the Ratha yatra time, there is a class of brahmanas, they come originally from the sabara class, they are a class of jungle type people who care for pigs. But even in their society they are caring for pigs and they eat pigs, but they have their Brahmin class. So the brahminical class of the sabara clan, they do the seva puja of Jagannatha during the annavasara. It’s called navakalevaram or annavasara. When the Lord changes His body or gets repaired, every 12 years they change the body.
Navakalevaram means new body. Every 12 years or it depends, maybe longer, maybe 19 years, depending upon the astrological configuration. The annavastra means the form of the Lord every year is renewed, they take off the canvas of the daru – the daru, the wooden brahma, the daru brahma, the wooden form, the murti of the Lord is covered with canvas and canvas is painted with the beautiful smile and eyes of Lord Jagannatha. They take off that canvas and all the different things what they call, seven different coverings of the body, the kosas, and they renew that – annavastra every year, then He comes out on a Ratha yatra to give the darsana.
So this service is done during this time when the Lord..they are preparing the infusion of natural medicines, juices etc. All this is done by this one class called the mahapatra. There one Jagannatha mahapatra – one Brahmana we know.
So they have two weeks a year, they do the seva of Jagannatha, but they don’t serve apart from the two weeks – they are on vacation. They are considered low class Brahmins. They are Orissan Brahmins, but they are considered low class.
So the same way the Sanodiya brahmana that was entertaining Lord Caitanya in his house, he was considered a low class brahmana. Lord Caitanya didn’t care. He said, “I don’t judge you by your cover.”
They have a phrase in English – Don’t judge a book by its cover. Cover may be so nice but the book may be very bad, and cover may be very bad but the book may be very good.
So the cover of a devotee may be very bad but he may be very good – good hearted. So we have to go deeper, Lord Caitanya was not superficial. He did not use superficial analysis to make a judgment; He went deep into the matter – the heart matter. The heart is what matters, what matters is the heart.
So He went deep into the heart matter and He can understand this person has prema. Prema utgama… Prema has arisen and awoken in this person, this Sanodiya brahmana, therefore he had fallen at My feet in the temple of Kesavaji, he surrendered to Me – Submission then permission then admission.
So he fell at My feet and I recognized that this prema is moving in his heart. Prema has moved him to fall at My feet. So many other brahmanas are looking at Me, they are spectators, camatkara dekhi, loke dekhi camatkara. So many other members, they are all surrounding Me in the temple and they are taking darsana of Kesavaji and they are seeing My display of ecstatic dancing and chanting. Nobody came. They are all looking – camatkara – amazed, astounded, but no one is moving. There are seeing Me, they are having the saksat darsana of Hari – Radha & Krsna.
So all these brahmanas in the temple are looking at Me but nona of them are impelled to fall at My feet and surrender, why? Because they haven’t been touched by guru krpa. When one who is touched by guru krpa then he acts properly, according to time, place and circumstance.
So this Sanodiya brahmana has been touched by the krpa of Madhavendra Puri and by receiving that mercy he is a perfect judge of time, place and circumstance.
‘Oh this great sannyasi is dancing, He is an extraordinary person, I should submit to Him, I should take shelter of Him. My Supersoul is telling me that there is something grand here, something wonderful happening here, I don’t want to miss this opportunity and I am not simply going to stand by the wayside, stand by and watch Him like every other brahmana with my jaw hanging down, no I am going to submit. I should not miss this opportunity, He may dance right out of the temple and I will never see Him again!”
An opportunity knocks, then open the door or whatever, there is some expression. Don’t miss the opportunity. So he immediately jumped and laid at the feet of the Lord and the Lord picked him up and embraced him.
‘Yes, you have understood My mission and you have shown submission, therefore I will give you admission, then with My permission you will get the eternal service of Radha & Krsna.’
So then He lifted him up and braced him, then He said, “Now let’s dance together,” then they dance together, then everybody else got infected by that then they started chanting and dancing and laughing…hase, khande, nacye, gaye… dancing, singing, laughing, crying.
So Lord Caitanya, He judged him by his spiritual attainment, He judged him by his heart, He examined his heart. What is the heart of the matter? It’s the heart that matters.
We have this expression – We have to get to the heart of the matter. No, devotees rephrase this, we have to get to the matter of the heart. We have to look into the matter of the heart. What is the heart made of? How is the heart moving? What is there in the heart? This is called the svarupa laksana of bhakti or devotion, the primary symptom, laksana, or characteristic of devotion, is how much the person is actually surrendered to Krsna in the heart.
Due to the prarabdha karma, due to the circumstances, bad association and conditioning, externally he may be out of it, he may be swimming in illusion, he may be swimming in anarthas, swimming in sin but in his heart he is praying, “Oh My Lord I accept You as my everything, I want to worship You, I want to serve You, I want to dedicate everything to You, I want to love You. Actually in heart of my heart, I am surrendered to you, but my mind, my karma is destroying me, pushing me this way, that way.”
So this person is actually very advanced because deep in his heart he has fully accepted Krsna. Jiva Gosvami is explaining that in his commentary on Bhakti Rasamrta Sindhu – this is actually the internal surrender to the Lord, because that’s bhakti is actually taking hold of his heart. It is synonymous with surrender. So now with that bhakti, that surrendered mood is in the heart, pretty soon all the anarthas and all that contamination, external coverings will be washed off and the person will shine forth, his bhakti and surrender will shine forth and bring him success.
But sometimes people, externally they make a show – Haribol, haribol and so much external devotion and all mechanical exhibition of principles and practices, external manifestation of principles and practices, but in their heart of heart, they don’t really accept it, they don’t really believe that God is a Person or Krsna is that Person. So they go through the motions of devotion for a few years and then all of sudden BLIPPP! And then even if you speak of it, they become offensive! Oh Krsna!!! Oh what is happening here! Because there was no real surrender in the heart. This was a little tangential point but it's not really, because Lord Caitanya…
This is what Prabhupada is saying here – Anyone may say, ‘Oh Lord Caitanya, You are violating all the sannyasa codes of etiquette and brahminical code of etiquette. You are going to the third class brahmana’s house, You are taking food from him. Haa!”
Like we saw in that play… “Haa! What is this! How can You do this? You are condemned! Your behavior is most unusual, most unacceptable behavior, You have become outcaste from the sannyasa order.”
Lord Caitanya is apparently risking something here, He is risking His name and fame, like a gopis. How much risk! Gopis have high risk policy. No insurance company will sign up the gopis because of the high risk. At any moment, simply when they hear a little toot on the flute and they will abandon everything, loka dharma, stri dharma, patni dharma, everything, this is a very high risk, can’t give coverage here. They are unpredictable, they are desperate, they could do anything. If that black snake calls them, they could do anything. They will run, they will fly, they will jump. So they don’t care about name or fame because love is ruling their heart. Their attraction and passion for Krsna is pulling their hearts and their bodies.
So Lord Caitanya, He, like the gopis, is pulled and controlled by the strings of His devotee’s heart, the strings of His devotee’s heart are pulling Him and making Him move. What the society thinks, I don’t care, what the brahminical community, high class Brahmins! Who are the high class Brahmins of Mathura? Chaube! Chaube is the very high class Brahmins. What the Chaubes think! I don’t care, I am going to the low class brahmana.
And everyone is saying, “Oh this is Sri Krsna Caitanya, I heard something about Him, isn’t He a son of Jagannatha Misra? Isn’t He the famous Nimai Pandita? I heard that the famous Nimai Pandita has taken sannyasa and He has become Sri Krsna Caitanya, some brahmacari name, so much humble title. Because Caitanya is the name of a brahmacari, this is not a sannyasa name, it’s a brahmacari name. Caitanya, Svarupa, these are brahmacari names. It should be Puri or Asrama…”
“And now He has come to our city of Mathura, and do you know where He is taking His lunch today? He is taking His lunch from a Sanodiya brahmana!”
“Aah! What!?”
So Lord Caitanya is risking so much. He doesn’t care – In love there is no rule. And in rules there is no love.
So the Lord moves on the principle of love, and that’s why He is called Prema Purusottama. The Lord who moves on the principle of love is called Prema Purusottama, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. The Lord who moves on the principle of laws is called Maryada Avatara – Maryada Purusottama Bhagavan Ramcandra.
So this is Lord Caitanya, something different, extraordinary. That’s why He is so attractive, His pastimes are so beautiful and liberal, encompassing.
TEXT 180
tathapi puri dekhi’ tanra ‘vaisnava’-acara
‘sisya’ kari’ tanra bhiksa kaila angikara
SP: Although the brahmana belonged to the Sanodiya community, Srila
Madhavendra Puri had seen that he behaved like a Vaisnava and had therefore accepted him as his disciple. The food he had cooked had also been accepted by Madhavendra Puri.
MS: Although the brahmana belonged to the Sanodiya community, Srila
Madhavendra Puri had seen that that brahmana behaved like a Vaisnava and had therefore accepted him as his disciple. The food that this brahmana cooked was also accepted by Madhavendra Puri.
puri dekhi’ ‘vaisnava’-acara. When Mādhavendra Purī came to Mathura on his Braja yatra and he met this person, this Sanodiya brahmana, he observed him. So we judge a person on the basis of how they speak and how they behave.
Sanatana Gosvami was glorifying Haridasa Thakura. He said, “I see Haridasa Thakura, I am seeing, that you behave very nicely. Acha sadacara, your behavior is very good, very proper, very ideal Vaisnava behavior, Vaisnava sadacara, I see that. And I hear, when you speak Hari katha, it is very appealing to my heart, and it is very correct and accurate according to Gaudiya siddhanta. So your speaking, your preaching is very good. And I see that your actions are also very good. So you are the ideal acarya, you are namacarya. You are behaving ideally and you are speaking and preaching ideally, Hari katha…”
So Mādhavendra Purī when he came to Mathura and met this Sanodiya brahmana, he saw he is behaving very nice. Vaisnava acara, very wonderful Vaisnava behavior. Then what did he do? Sisya kari – he accepted him as his disciple, his sisya. And after accepting him as his disciple, then he agreed to come and take bhiksu, that is some food stuff in his house. Angikara – he accepted.
So Krsnadasa Kaviraja is giving us some of the history, now we are finding more about this eka vipra. Because many – fifteen verses ago we heard that eka vipra, one vipra met Lord Caitanya, now this is very significant. Why the word vipra, so up until this point we heard that there was one brahmana.
A vipra may not necessarily be a Vaisnava and vipra may be a brahmana, because we have Mayavadi Brahmins also. Actually the word has two words together visesa pragya or something like that. Pragya means very learned, pragyana and visesa means special. Vipra means someone has special knowledge. He has special knowledge, in what? He has special knowledge in Jyotirveda. He is a Jyotirveda vipra, he is an Ayurveda vipra, he is a Vastuveda vipra, he is a Sthapativeda vipra.
These are different vedic sciences and he is expert in that, and he is a brahmana and he is initiated, upanaynam. But he may not be a Vaisnava, he may be a smarta or simply absorbed in demigod worship. But a Vaisnava is something extraordinary, he is worshiper of Visnu, the personal form of Godhead.
But a brahmana may be a worshipper of Brahman or not even a worshipper of Brahman, simply a karma-kanda brahmana, he is simply happy with this world or possibly the heavenly world or worshipping various devas and devatas, demigod worshippers as we say. So he was introduced as a vipra, it is very important. The story began and said Lord Caitanya entered the temple and eka vipra.
So it just said he was a Brahmin. And now we heard that he is a Sanodiya brahmana. They have a bunch of vaisyas, yajamana known as Kalawaras and Sanwadas vaisya community and they are considered as a low class vaisya community, because they were addicted to drinking and bad habits.
And so by association with these low class yajamana or by their own character, the Sanodiya Brahmins are considered to be low class Brahmins. So far there is no mention of Vaisnava.
He is a brahmana, and he has his yajamana and he does his puja, maybe he does his devi puja, deva puja or karma kanda puja for the Agarwala. Yes give me money, worship Durga, this that…navaratri puja, this puja, that puja.
And Madhavendra Puri came and he met the same Sanodiya brahmana or vipra. And now he is observing, dekhi vaisnava acara. So now he is a vipra, which mean you could say he is a smarta or a materialistic brahmana, he is not a spiritual brahmana, he is a materialistic brahmana concerned with this material world and the enjoyments and the movements and the arrangements of this material world, karma-kandiya which is about 80% of the Vedic literature is karma kanda and some jnana kanda and little bit of bhakti upasana, which is like 1000th of a percent or something.
So now when Madhavendra Puri meets him and observes his behavior, he says, “Oh! His behavior is like a Vaisnava. So much humility, humility you don’t find in smarta brahmanas. So much humility and loving feelings and loving dealings. Because I observed these Vaisnava acara in him, he has the qualification.”
Because the disciple must exhibit some qualification to get accepted by the guru, the guru must see something, Vaisnavata – tendency to worship Visnu, to surrender to Visnu, must be something there, must be some testing period, some trial period.
Hari Bhakti Vilas is telling that the guru should examine a disciple for a minimum of one year, and recommended is 3 years, examining day-to-day, he is serving, he is doing humble service, and he is hearing and serving, then he makes this decision of whether to give him diksa, upanayanam or not. Minimum is one year, standard is 3 to 5 years.
So there is some observation, there is some conclusion – like science, science mean hypothesis, experiment, observation and conclusion. So in spiritual science you have a hypothesis – “I think this person may become a Vaisnava”, this is my hypothesis, if I add this and this, I will get that. If I add my mercy to his sraddha, adau sraddha, adau sraddha tatah sadhu-sango, If I add my sanga and my mercy to his faith – if I combine these two, this is my hypothesis, I may produce gold. What is gold, gold means a Vaisnava, valuable object, a very valuable person. So that is a hypothesis.
So I execute the experiment in the laboratory. What is a laboratory? Gurukula! Guru’s asrama – this is a laboratory. And I do different testing, do this seva, do that seva, collect firewood and clean, I test, is there some humility? Is there some Vaisnava acara? Is there some potential here?
So then I do the experiment and then I observe, what is the response? How is the bhakta coming? Is he developing his humility, his knowledge, his detachment, his faith, his interest, his curiosity, his hope – everything is increasing. And I draw conclusion, yes, my experiment worked, he has become a Vaisnava, now diksa.
So Madhavendra Puri has done this in a very fast way. He has observed Vaisnava acara! Yes, you have Vaisnava acara. And this in fact is a qualification for diksa.
What is the qualification for Vaisnava diksa? Jnanam? It is acara, behavior, because behavior shows the heart and heart can only be shaped accordingly to the knowledge acquired. You acquire certain knowledge and it gives you certain ideas, and certain ideas take the shape of action, and action is an expression of your heart and the realization of the knowledge acquired.
So the person gets so much knowledge in the Gurukula but if there is no proper acara! He came as a badmasa gunda, a dacoit, a hooligan, he stayed 2 years in the asrama and he learnt 3000 verses from the Srimad Bhagvatam. He learnt so many verses, he learnt all puja and everything, and so many things, but no acara, no behavior, then what is the qualification! He joined as a hooligan and 3 years later he is a hooligan and a dacoit. Will the guru initiate him? “Guruji, I have so much knowledge, I know this, I know that, MIHE, VIHE, these so many things I have, so many degrees I have in my pocket. So now you initiate me. Hey now!! Guruji! Initiate me! I have waited for 2 years in this asrama, now come on!”
So it is very interesting how much we can draw from this verse! About guru-sisya sambandha, and eligibility and what is required and what is guru looking for!
Does it say here that Madhavendra Puri was looking for jnana? Did he examine the Sanodiya brahmana – How much jnana do you have? How much knowledge do you have? Do you know 3 vedas, you know 2 vedas, you know 4 vedas! Are you a Caturvedi? Trivedi? Dwivedi?…
Acara, Vaisnava acara, behavior! Specially in Gaudiya Vaisnavism, Gaudiya Vaisnavism is a path of love, so love means loving behavior, loving action. So the guru will be examining – what is the love content in this disciple’s heart, is there any love? Is there any softness in the heart? Or is he a hard hearted materialist just making a charade, praya, a Vaisnava praya, is this a prakrta bhakta? This is all prakrti and bogus show of bhakti! What is going on here? So it’s an examination of heart, not mind. Guru examines heart, not mind and brain! Heart examination – weighs the heart, tests the heart.
So it says puri dekhi’ tanra ‘vaisnava’-acara
He is dekhi, he is so powerful. Madhavendra Puri is so powerful. So much power of discrimination and analysis, simply seeing – “Acha, hmm, I see this Sanodiya brahmana, I see Vaisnava acara, I see potential here, I see adhikara here, I see laksana, Vaisnava characteristics and Vaisnava qualities and Vaisnava acara, Vaisnava behavior. Yes! You become my sisya.” ‘sisya’ kari’ tanra bhiksa kaila angikara
“Yes I will take food from your hand, no problem. Let all the brahmanas criticize me, let all the Chaubes in Vrndavana criticize Madhavendra Puri for coming to Mathura and taking food from the hands of a Sanodiya brahmana, a low class brahmana, let them say whatever they want to say, print it in the newspapers, go on a campaign, walkout, strike, I don’t care.”
TEXT 181
mahaprabhu tanre yadi ‘bhiksa’ magila
dainya kari’ sei vipra kahite lagila
SP: Therefore Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu willingly requested food from the brahmana, and the brahmana, feeling natural humility, began to speak as follows.
MS: Therefore Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu willingly requested food from the brāhmana, bhiksa magila, requested bhiksa, and the brahmana, feeling natural humility, dainya kari, began to speak as follows.
Tomorrow we will find out – what did he say? Out of his extreme humility at the proposal, Lord Caitanya taking food from his hand.
Some suspense, if you give everything at once that means it is all over, nothing to live for! No hope! No hankering. Hankering must always be there, and it must always be increased so you become mad. So much utkantitha, where is that Boy! Where is that Girl! Where are They! Haaaa! Then some progress begins, you become mad with yearning, hankering..
Ooh! You are where You are! Radha & Krsna! That little Boy, that little Girl! You are where You are, You do whatever You do, and I am where I am, and I do what I do. There is no need for me to run, trying to find You, go crazy looking for You, jump out of my body if I can’t find You by sunset.
It’s fine, days go on, You go Your way, and I will go mine. May be at the very end maybe I will say hello and You’ll say hello. But the kind of intensity that is required to realize Krsna in one life is something that is far beyond my imagination. What to speak of implementation, we read sometimes about such desperate devotees like Raghunatha Dasa Gosvami, Rupa Gosvami. So slowly, the drop of desperation may fall on us.